Death, Tears and Grieving Myths As Seen By a Weymouth, MA Lawyer

It's not uncommon for death and probate cases in Mass to involve people who are suffering a loss and experiencing grief. As their lawyer in a wrongful death case or in a Massachusetts probate estate matter, I'm often directly discussing what caused the death of their loved one or the final wishes of a spouse, parent, child, or friend. Some of our discussions can be difficult and quite emotional

It seems whenever someone begins to cry or need a moment, they almost instinctively need to apologize afterward and then offer a reason for why they shouldn't be getting emotional. I've heard person after person explain how they "should" be experiencing their grief. I've never quite understood this -- many times their loss moves me too.

While I'm no psychologist, I've never found there to be any set rules here. While it's somewhat slanted in its origin (and in a couple of places maybe), I came across this article discussing the Ten Common Myths and Realities About Grief. I'm listing an excerpt of some of the myths below to give you the general idea.

"It has been a year since your spouse died. Don't you think you should be dating by now?"
"You look so well!"
"The best thing we can do (for the griever) is to avoid discussing the loss."
"It has been six (or nine or 12) months now.
"Don't you think you should be over it?"
"You need to be more active and get out more!"
"You are young, and you can get married again."
"Your loved one is no longer in pain now. Be thankful for that."
"She cries a lot. I'm concerned she is going to have a nervous breakdown."
"Grief support groups are too depressing and not helpful."

Again, I'm no psychologist, but I'm guessing the list (on myths about grieving) could be expanded quite a bit and, like me, many lawyers in Mass and elsewhere have seen it firsthand.

Some bereavement support resources (these may change but a search for "bereavement support group" and then your area may offer some local results) are below. Also check with your local hospice, hospital, funeral home, city/town hall, or attorney for local options if you are interested.

Some links from today...